i finally found my dream

i finally found
what i've been looking for
i've been searching
all my life
for the thing that
could complete my life

i finally found
what my heart's searching for
the emptiness seemed
to last a lifetime
but now it has come to an end

i finally found
what would complete my life
all the while
i felt something is missing
from my life that's continually searching

i finally found
what i've dreamed about for so long
i thought it would just be a fantasy
i never thought that that dream
would become a reality

i finally found
what i call my true happiness
the thing that could make me smile
laugh and cheer all day

i finally found
the thing that i've always wanted
and now that i have it
i won't ever let go
for i will cherish that one thing
keep it to my heart
til forever's gone
coz it's only once
in your lifetime
that you get to meet
what you've always dreamed of
what you've always searched for
what you've always wished you have
it's only once in your life
that you meet
your true happiness
your life's fulfillment
your heart's perfect complement

muling pagkikita

BRO: oi tol!!!
TOL: bro!! kamusta!!
BRO: ano na bang balita tol!! pucha! wala kang pinagbago ha!
TOL: hehehehehe... ikaw din bro... pero mukhang mas lumapad yang noo mo ha! hahahahahaha
BRO: tarantado ka pa din hayup ka!
TOL: O ano pala ang ginagawa mo dito?
BRO: May hinihintay lang ako tol. Ikaw? Bakit naligaw ka dito?
TOL: Ewan ko nga eh. Di ko alam kung bakit ako nandito!
BRO: Gago! Bakit nga? May hinihintay ka din no! Sino? GF mo? Naaaaakkksss!
TOL: Hehehehehhe... hindi ko GF bro.. wish ko lang. hehehehehe
BRO: nax! in love ang tol ko!! hahahahahahaha
TOL: oi hinde ha!
BRO: namu! kilala kita! wag ka na magtago sa akin... parang di tayo nagkasama ng labinglimang taon ha!!
TOL: hahahahahahahaha
BRO: o ano?? tatawa tawa ka dyan! kwento ka! dali! tutal, mukhang matagal pa ang iintayin natin.
TOL: hehehehehe
BRO: pucha naman o panay tawa nito eh
TOL: eh gusto ko tumawa eh.
BRO: bilis! kwento mo na! sino ba ung girl? kilala ko ba?
TOL: malamang hindi mo kilala. ikaw pala? may GF ka na ba? o torpe ka pa din hanggang ngayon.
BRO: loko wag mo ibahin usapan. at excuse me. di na ko torpe ngayon... may GF na ko.
TOL: naks! kelang pa kayo? teka tagal na pala natin hindi nagkita no! mahigit isang taon na!
BRO: hehehehe oo nga eh... teka... ako na tinatanong mo eh... ako nagtatanong sa yo... ano? kwento! gf mo ba ung hinihintay mo ngayon?
TOL: ang kulit mo! sabing hindi nga eh...
BRO: nililigawan mo?
TOL: hhhmmmmm... hindi din... hindi pa... hehehehehehe
BRO: o eh bat hindi mo pa ligawan?
TOL: may sabit eh...
BRO: anong may sabit?
TOL: may BF sya bro eh.
BRO: un lang! pero ok lang un! pede pa yan... hindi pa naman mag-asawa eh... hehehehehe
TOL: walanghiya ka talaga kahit kelan...
BRO: pero teka... eh bat kayo magkikita?
TOL: wala lang... magkita daw kme eh... kelangan ng kausap...
BRO: hehehehehe... baka type ka...
TOL: hindi no!! hihintayin din kse nya bf nya eh... kaya habang hintayin nya bf nya, usap daw kame... ewan kung ano isusumbong...
BRO: san mo sya nakilala?
TOL: naka-chat ko...
BRO: chat? naks! nagcchat ka pala! heheheh
TOL: hindi ako probinsyano tulad mo no!
BRO: gago! o tapos.. lagi kayo magkausap sa chat?
TOL: hindi naman... malimit lang
BRO: eh ganun na din un no!
TOL: medyo nakasundo ko kase eh... sarap nyang kausap... daming kwento...
BRO: ano maganda ba? sexy ba?
TOL: first time namin magmeet ngayon bro... panay sa webcam lang ang usap namin... mga 3 weeks pa lang kse me magkakilala eh.. pero halos araw araw kme magkausap.
BRO: nax! cyber!!
TOL: hahahahaha gago! pero ok sya... maputi, di ganong maganda, pero may dating... girl na girl ang itsura nya...
BRO: naks! pucha, pakilala mo ko pare...
TOL: gago agawan mo pa ko! hahahaha... tsaka balato mo na sa akin to! may gf ka na eh
BRO: loko! bawal bang tumingin sa iba pag may gf? tingin lang naman ah... friendly friend lang ang motive ko... para makilatis ko kung bagay sa yo o hindi
TOL: hahahahahaha
BRO: eh ano naman pag-uusapan nyo?? eh sabi mo araw-araw na kayo magkausap.
TOL: wala lang... tungkol daw sa kanila ng bf nya.
BRO: ahahaha.. sumbungan ka... hahahaha
TOL: hindi naman... kaya lang... nalulungkot daw kse sya... parang tingin ko hindi sya masaya sa bf nya...
BRO: ah ganun ba? eh di pagkakataon mo na!
TOL: ehehehehe... di ako oportunista tulad mo!
BRO: sus! kunwari ka pa! eh yun naman ang motibo mo! hahahaha
TOL: oi hinde ah... konti lang... hehehehehe
BRO: kita mo! pucha kelangan makilala ko yan tol!
TOL: ikaw... kung mahihintay mo.
BRO: sana maunang dumating kesa sa gf ko.
TOL: sana mauna gf mo
BRO: namu! madamot ka talaga!
TOL: hahahahaha... pare ikaw? matanong ko? pano mo ba mapapasaya gf mo? tutal may gf ka na eh..
BRO: ha! bakit mo naman natanong?
TOL: eh kasi yan ang palagi nya sinasabi sa akin. hindi daw sya napapasaya ng bf nya.. di nya daw kse gano nararamdaman ung love ng bf nya
BRO: ah ok... lumalambot ka na pare ha
TOL: gago! ano? pano mo pinapasaya gf mo?
BRO: ako? lagi ko sya sinasabihan ng i love you. lagi ko sya tinatawagan. lagi ko sya binibigyan ng regalo.
TOL: tapos...
BRO: tapos?
TOL: dali sagot! para alam ko kung ano isasagot ko sa kanya mamaya.. kase malamang yan ang topic namin eh... kse nalulungkot daw sya.. ewan... may ineexpect daw kse sya sa bf nya na hindi naibigay...
BRO: ewan! basta ako alam ko masaya naman kme ng bf ko... lagi kong sinusunod ang gusto nya.. ngayon nga magkikita kme... matagal-tagal na kse kmeng hindi nakakalabas eh... lagi kmeng busy palagi sa trabaho...
TOL: ah ganun ba? pero masaya pa din kayo?
BRO: oo naman!
TOL: ok...
BRO: pare wag ka kabahan! mukha kang kinakabahan eh..
TOL: ehehehehe... hindi naman
BRO: relax ka lang pare... masyado kang obyus eh.. type na type mo sya no
TOL: ehehehehehe... medyo... basta... click kse kme pag magkachat eh... kaya nga looking forward ako ngayon, para malaman ko kung click pa din kme sa personal...
BRO: hoping ka tol!
TOL: hahahahaha.. hanggang dun nga lang...
BRO: malay mo naman.. sabi mo nga nagkakalabuan na sila ng bf nya
TOL: un nga eh... hehehehe... pero di alam ng bf nya ung nararamdman nya...
BRO: ay ganun?
TOL: un ang sabi nya... ayaw kse daw ng bf nya na may pinupuna sya sa kanya
BRO: aba eh gago pala ung bf nya eh...
TOL: heheheheheh... naiinis nga ako sa bf nya eh... parang taken for granted na sya... parang di alam kung ano ang mga gusto nya... ni hindi nya napapansin na malungkot ang gf nya! tama ba un!!??
BRO: tara! upakan natin... para masolo mo na!
TOL: hahahahahaha.. tadu ka talaga!!
BRO: taena... ayus sa kwentuhan natin ha! lablyp agad! para tayong hindi isang taong di nagkita eh
TOL: hahahaha.. oo nga eh... taena ka kase... tsismoso ka masyado...
BRO: gagu.. ikaw din naman eh... sa yo ko nahawa
TOL: basta pre wag ka na lang magulo mamaya ha.
BRO: sure pare...
TOL: pre behave.. yan na ata sya.
BRO: hahahahahaha... eto ngtext gf ko, padating na daw sya may dadaanan lang daw sya saglit
TOL: ayus... sabay pa dumating..
BRO: sige tatalikod lang ako... pakilala mo ako hayup ka!
TOL: sure pare!
BRO: hehehehehehe
TOL: bro.. nga pala si Cutie.. sya ung kinukwento ko sa yo kanina na ka-meet ko na chatmate ko...
BRO: SWEETHEART!!???

the dream... a reality...

I screamed. I shouted like i had never shouted before. I was too afraid. I was covered with fear. I sank to my knees. I felt tears run down my face. I buried my face in my hands. I closed my eyes. I just lay there crying. I sobbed continuously until i felt numb. Then everything was quiet. The only thing i hear is my heart weeping. Silence.

When i opened my eyes, i was in bed. Soaked in my on sweat. My bed sheets were down to my knees. Sunlight is peeking through the windows. Everything was bright. I was in my room, in my bed, with a pillow held tight to my body.

Realizing the time, i decided to get up. I went down on the right side of my bed. I got hold of my slippers. It was under my bed, where i always leave them before i sleep. I staggered with the my first step. My knees buckled, and i almost fell to the ground. Luckily, i was able to grab hold of my bedside table. I pulled myself up. I tried to stand up straight without falling. But my knees were so weak. They seem to fail supporting my body. I was able to stand, but the slightest movement would surely bring me down to the floor. I decided to sit down on my bed for a moment. Maybe my knees and legs just felt numb from sleep.

And then it struck me. I just had a dream. The visions of the dream started to flow back to my head. I remembered dreaming of a bad dream. A dream where i saw myself lifeless in my own bed. I felt a shiver run throught my body. I quickly looked back at my bed, just to check if i am still dreaming or if i am truly awake. Everything seemed to be perfectly normal. I let out a sigh of relief, but the thought of the dream still bothered me. I saw it clearly, its just like a past memory. Everything was so clear. My mom, my sister, my body in my bed. Everything seemed so real.

I started to think what the dream meant to me. It seemed that every part of the dream was real, except of course the part where i saw myself dead. I asked myself why the dream was like that. It felt like a premonition of things that might happen to me. The headache, the doctor's advice regarding the medicine given to me, everything are really happening to me. I became afraid again. What if it really happens to me? What if i'm going to die that way? What if the headaches i'm having right now will be the cause of my death? I was shaking with the thoughts i have in my head.

I remembered suddenly that i was scheduled to go to my doctor to get the results of the tests done to me. The tests were done to determine why my headache won't go away. I argued with my doctor that there's nothing wrong with me. That i'm just having these headaches because i've just been too stressed lately. But my doctor insisted that i undergo the tests. And today is the day that will prove my argument. This is just migraine. An unluckily bad case of migraine, that's all.

When i finally had the strength to stand up and walk, i went straight to the bathroom to wash my face. When i looked at the mirror, i saw blood in my nose. It wasn't a surprise for me. This was not the first time i woke up with blood on my nose. I guessed that its an effect of the headaches i'm having right now, just like the one i had to battle last night. And, just like in my dream.

I tried to get it out of my head. It couldn't be true. It must not be true. Dreams are just dreams. They don't have anything to do with reality. I laughed it off. I smiled with thought of it. I'm just scaring myself. I'm just making up stories in my head. I felt myself grinning. I felt stupid thinking the dream might be true. Nothing is wrong with me. Its just a headache, that's all. I smiled to myself, then started dressing up for the day. I fixed my bed and feeling a low grumble in my stomach, i started walking to the door. As i was going out, i stopped suddenly and looked back to stare at my bed. The vision of the dream popped in my head again. I looked back to my bed, just to make sure. I was not dreaming. I smiled. But deep inside, there's a different feeling. I was scared.


We were the first to arrive in the doctor's office. I'm with my mom. She insisted she go with me today. She has nothing to do at home, and instead of getting bored, she deciede to go with me. This is not an ordinary thing happening. I seldom go out with my mom. I argued that i could go alone. I was by myself when i went here for my first check-up, and the succeeding ones. I don't know why she she just thought of going with me today. I guessed, there would be no harm in that. And besides, we'll just be in the doctor's office for a short time. We'll just get the results, and be on our way home after that.

The secretary ushered us inside the doctor's room, telling us that the doctor's arrived, and is ready to meet us. We said thank you, then went to the room next to the secretary's table.

When i saw the doctor, i thought that he was in a bad mood. His eyes were sad. And he had that look of sympathy on his face. He was not usually like that. Our family have known him for several years now. And during that span of time, i rarely saw him have that look in his face. He was always smiling, fun and jolly. He would always welcome us with full enthusiasm and heartfelt warmth. But not today. Maybe he has a problem. Maybe it was just a bad day for him.

He offered us seats in front of his table. He also offered us juice drinks which he prepared himself. As we sat, he sank into his chair, letting out a long sigh. He sat there silent for a some time, while looking at me, and my mom, and then back to me. I can still remember the words he spoke then. Every word he said came as a shock to me. He started again with a sigh, and spoke the words that left my heart and mind in ruins.

"I'm sorry, i don't know how to tell you this.... Based from the results of the test, we found out what the cause of your headaches is. Its only through the tests we conducted that we found this out."

"You have cancer. We found that your brain has areas already eaten up by cancer cells. We could not determine the precise amount of the cancerous cells. But based on what we saw, the damage is beyond any repair already. I'm sorry, but me and my colleagues give you about a month's time before your brain fails."

"I'm sorry for being the one the tell you this. I.. I didn't expect the results also. I'm sorry."

I felt numb.

Now i know what the dream was about. I truly am dying.

in the dark

i feel cold
my body's close to numbness
i've been in the dark too long
my eyes are shut
all i see is black
my voice is just a whisper
only breath comes out of my mouth
it's been too long in the dark
i forgot what the light looks like
i don't have a memory
of how it is being warm
what it felt like
when the sun gives its touch

i'm cold
i've longed for the warmth so long...
i'm numb
i can't feel a thing no more...

complement me

show me your hands
so i could reach out to you
give me respect
so i could give it back to you

share with me your thoughts
so i could understand you
say what you have to say
so i could lend my ear to you

show me that you'll listen
so i can speak to you
give me your trust
so that i can open up for you

show me understanding
so that i can show you patience
teach me how to know you
so that i can understand you back

show me that you value me
so that i can treasure you
give me a little of your love
so i can give my love to you