the dream... a reality...

I screamed. I shouted like i had never shouted before. I was too afraid. I was covered with fear. I sank to my knees. I felt tears run down my face. I buried my face in my hands. I closed my eyes. I just lay there crying. I sobbed continuously until i felt numb. Then everything was quiet. The only thing i hear is my heart weeping. Silence.

When i opened my eyes, i was in bed. Soaked in my on sweat. My bed sheets were down to my knees. Sunlight is peeking through the windows. Everything was bright. I was in my room, in my bed, with a pillow held tight to my body.

Realizing the time, i decided to get up. I went down on the right side of my bed. I got hold of my slippers. It was under my bed, where i always leave them before i sleep. I staggered with the my first step. My knees buckled, and i almost fell to the ground. Luckily, i was able to grab hold of my bedside table. I pulled myself up. I tried to stand up straight without falling. But my knees were so weak. They seem to fail supporting my body. I was able to stand, but the slightest movement would surely bring me down to the floor. I decided to sit down on my bed for a moment. Maybe my knees and legs just felt numb from sleep.

And then it struck me. I just had a dream. The visions of the dream started to flow back to my head. I remembered dreaming of a bad dream. A dream where i saw myself lifeless in my own bed. I felt a shiver run throught my body. I quickly looked back at my bed, just to check if i am still dreaming or if i am truly awake. Everything seemed to be perfectly normal. I let out a sigh of relief, but the thought of the dream still bothered me. I saw it clearly, its just like a past memory. Everything was so clear. My mom, my sister, my body in my bed. Everything seemed so real.

I started to think what the dream meant to me. It seemed that every part of the dream was real, except of course the part where i saw myself dead. I asked myself why the dream was like that. It felt like a premonition of things that might happen to me. The headache, the doctor's advice regarding the medicine given to me, everything are really happening to me. I became afraid again. What if it really happens to me? What if i'm going to die that way? What if the headaches i'm having right now will be the cause of my death? I was shaking with the thoughts i have in my head.

I remembered suddenly that i was scheduled to go to my doctor to get the results of the tests done to me. The tests were done to determine why my headache won't go away. I argued with my doctor that there's nothing wrong with me. That i'm just having these headaches because i've just been too stressed lately. But my doctor insisted that i undergo the tests. And today is the day that will prove my argument. This is just migraine. An unluckily bad case of migraine, that's all.

When i finally had the strength to stand up and walk, i went straight to the bathroom to wash my face. When i looked at the mirror, i saw blood in my nose. It wasn't a surprise for me. This was not the first time i woke up with blood on my nose. I guessed that its an effect of the headaches i'm having right now, just like the one i had to battle last night. And, just like in my dream.

I tried to get it out of my head. It couldn't be true. It must not be true. Dreams are just dreams. They don't have anything to do with reality. I laughed it off. I smiled with thought of it. I'm just scaring myself. I'm just making up stories in my head. I felt myself grinning. I felt stupid thinking the dream might be true. Nothing is wrong with me. Its just a headache, that's all. I smiled to myself, then started dressing up for the day. I fixed my bed and feeling a low grumble in my stomach, i started walking to the door. As i was going out, i stopped suddenly and looked back to stare at my bed. The vision of the dream popped in my head again. I looked back to my bed, just to make sure. I was not dreaming. I smiled. But deep inside, there's a different feeling. I was scared.


We were the first to arrive in the doctor's office. I'm with my mom. She insisted she go with me today. She has nothing to do at home, and instead of getting bored, she deciede to go with me. This is not an ordinary thing happening. I seldom go out with my mom. I argued that i could go alone. I was by myself when i went here for my first check-up, and the succeeding ones. I don't know why she she just thought of going with me today. I guessed, there would be no harm in that. And besides, we'll just be in the doctor's office for a short time. We'll just get the results, and be on our way home after that.

The secretary ushered us inside the doctor's room, telling us that the doctor's arrived, and is ready to meet us. We said thank you, then went to the room next to the secretary's table.

When i saw the doctor, i thought that he was in a bad mood. His eyes were sad. And he had that look of sympathy on his face. He was not usually like that. Our family have known him for several years now. And during that span of time, i rarely saw him have that look in his face. He was always smiling, fun and jolly. He would always welcome us with full enthusiasm and heartfelt warmth. But not today. Maybe he has a problem. Maybe it was just a bad day for him.

He offered us seats in front of his table. He also offered us juice drinks which he prepared himself. As we sat, he sank into his chair, letting out a long sigh. He sat there silent for a some time, while looking at me, and my mom, and then back to me. I can still remember the words he spoke then. Every word he said came as a shock to me. He started again with a sigh, and spoke the words that left my heart and mind in ruins.

"I'm sorry, i don't know how to tell you this.... Based from the results of the test, we found out what the cause of your headaches is. Its only through the tests we conducted that we found this out."

"You have cancer. We found that your brain has areas already eaten up by cancer cells. We could not determine the precise amount of the cancerous cells. But based on what we saw, the damage is beyond any repair already. I'm sorry, but me and my colleagues give you about a month's time before your brain fails."

"I'm sorry for being the one the tell you this. I.. I didn't expect the results also. I'm sorry."

I felt numb.

Now i know what the dream was about. I truly am dying.